The blade in my back is worth 3 years of memories.

I'm going to put this simply, bluntly and first.

I miss you.

And even though it was me who made this choice, even though I know you're probably breathing better knowing that I'm not around to remind you of how far apart we've become, sometimes I find myself with a new dagger of memories stuck between my shoulder blades. I relive everything over again every time I touch the hilt. I rev myself up for the action of pulling it out of my body once and for all, but... Mm.

So I walk around with my head held high and a smile plastered on my face. When I flip my hair, people don't notice my wounds or the blade stuck in my back - none of them ever look too closely. And if they did I'd want them to believe I don't pull it out because it's better not to - because it'll damage too many nerves or precious, vital organs.

(But in reality it's because I'm too scared and I'm not ready to let go of the time I invested in us. In you.)

+ + +

Sometimes, our brains work quite unfairly. And since mine wouldn't let me forget what today is - was - used to be, I figured, well, I may as well write about it.

Thank you for reading. <3

xx Nicole Rose