Withdrawn.
May 1st, 2014
4:10PM
When I speak, or even bother to open my mouth at all, people snap their heads in my direction, and I let my words out with a hesitance. Their eyebrows crinkle, and sometimes they frown. But they always--always--say, what?
So I repeat what I had to say, a reluctance in my tone. If I'm lucky, they heard me. But usually I'm asked to repeat what I just said. Again.
I end up repeating myself for the third time--this time shouting as I do so. They flinch and I flinch, retreating back into my head. It wasn't meant to sound so harsh.
These experiences, they make me regret my words. Regret that I ever had anything to say at all. Because all they receive is polite laughter or a scowl.
They make me draw back into myself and keep my mouth shut on certain topics. I've withdrawn within myself. Keeping it in because, in all honesty, is what I have to say important? To anyone?
Or am I so far within myself, that when I speak my tongue can't leak my opinional thoughts?
Before I open my mouth I'll always remember the times I wasn't heard. Or judged because of what was heard.
Maybe it's better this way. To be withdrawn. No one has to hear what I say. I'll be saving myself from the embarrassment of thinking I have anything important to say.
+ + +
Just a little something I wrote the other day, whilst I was feeling down, and trying to analyze my life. I reads as though my thoughts were scattered and ward to recognize--and they were/are. Especially to me.
Thank you for reading. <3
xx Nicole Rose
resonance resonance resonance this is me to tears in the gloaming. this is me to even wandering near cursing my mind and later wondering what matters and why. this is me because this is so many and we need to realise that this isn't made up. stay strong. <3
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, this is sooo beautiful Rose!! This is what I feel sometimes too! Lovely words :)
ReplyDeletenoooooooooooooo.
ReplyDeletethis is how i felt a few years ago. just keep my mouth shut and no one will misunderstand. i won't get hurt. the conversation doesn't need my opinion anyway.
but what you have to say /is/ important, rose. you're important. and, in the big picture of all of time and space, it doesn't matter what people think of you.
it just matters that you're doing the right thing.
<3
all. the. time.
ReplyDeleteYou know how I feel so often? How?
ReplyDeleteThis was perfect, Rose...wonderful piece of writing.
Tane ♥