Valued Where We Stand

I was up late one night, scrolling through my Instagram feed and telling myself to get some sleep. But once I've gotten a taste of the world and all it has to offer, it's hard to turn my brain off.

I thought about the college girls get together I was going to go to. What I was going to share - should I be deep and personal? Or is it not worth the pain? What if I cry? - and what I was going to say. I mean, what if I told them about my favorite book and how it strikes me where all the favorite books do (in the heart) because the guy chooses the gal first and things aren't always perfect between the couple but they love.

And she.

She is always his first choice.

And then I cried because there is so much talent out there, the world is so big, and I want to play my part - a whole, independent part - but there is this hungry, fleshy part of me that ~~cries~~ ~~longs~~ desires companionship.

To be valued enough to be someone's first choice.

Not romantically. But purely. To have someone meet my eyes and smile in a way that lets me know they take joy in seeing me.

These thoughts are tricky, muddy trenches.

I tend to end up slopping through the trenches because I lose sight of important things. Like the sunshine and how I do love myself - crazy as it seems. I am enough, yet I forget.

So when that rope comes down and the search light sears my eyes--

What is that?

What pulls me free?

Not self.

Not man.

But God.

It says, in Titus 3, verses 3 through 5: "At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit..."

We are valued where we stand. Or fall. Or flail or weep or cry out with joy. The point is, God cares and does not cast His gaze away.

No matter how softly we cry.

Friend, it's okay to feel empty. It's okay to feel as though you lack belief. Or just feel as though you lack. If only we could wrap our heads around the fact that one moment doesn't have to define everything. One desire doesn't have to be a searing pain in your side for the rest of your days. One disappointment doesn't have to lead to constant failure.

We are enough.

We are valued.

We are human. We bounce back, rebuild, and use phrases until they become cliches. Because. We. Are. Stubborn!

Life is not a bright and shining gold-paved street. It is a walk through paper cuts and hand sanitizer rain.

Bind your wounds:

Now let's win.

May I ask for your [honest] opinion?

via Alrighty. I recently just completed my one hundredth blog design order [insert celebratory balloons, glitter cannons, and thrown pies here]. ;} And I was talking to my mother about this in the car, to and from the store. Basically, what she said was; "You've been doing your designs for a long time, right? So why don't you start charging for your services?" This got me thinking, and in my eyes, I feel as though charging for my designs would probably make me feel like I'm getting cocky, and too proud of my work, yah know? But I wanted to ask you guys, my honest readers; do YOU think my services are worth spending money on? Like seriously. If you wanted a new design would you choose me, even if it cost you ten dollars? I know most of it is just a matter of opinion. Every designer has their own way of doing things. Their own unique style. It all depends on what the "order-er" wants. I'd like to know if I have the capabilities of giving s...

Clothes Don't Apply--In The Summer

via | enjoy this random photo of the ocean. No, it's not that kind of post. But I sure bet the post title caught your eye. ;) Ahh. Summer. It is here my friends (or it was...now everything is just cold and wet -.-). And as it rolls in--knocking Spring to the side--so does the heat. And thus my wardrobe drastically changes from sweatshirts and leggings to large (borrowed) shirts and shorts. It's also time to pull out the razor and shave away my still attached winter coat. -.- ^ something cute I wish I could wear. ^ *cough* Anyways. Summer. Lots of heat but also, lots of free time. My mother has decided my summer project is to learn how to drive. (Oh...yay... *sobbing consists in background*) And I hope to hang out with Kenz. But we'll see how June 6th goes. Also, I'm planning on getting lots of writing done, AND looking into (advanced) CSS and HTML for Blogger. AAAAAND I will hopefully take a writing class over the course of a few weeks. Maybe . I don...

"Look," she breathed, studying the sky. " Oh , look... Do you see it?" He looked down at her, his eyes twinkling like the many stars above. "Yes..." "Isn't it beautiful?" "Yes...yes it is..." She looked back at him, meeting his gaze. They were both thinking the same thing, and they were both scared of it. She ducked her head as his eyes moved away, focusing on the ground and the stars and the distance between them. + + + Oh, the fragile doubts of these teenage souls. Why is it that they fear each other? Why is it that they must disregard their feelings? Their emotions? All I can say is; be brave. Take a leap of faith. Because there is a chance it will work out.

Self Known

Search This Blog